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Thursday, October 4, 2007
Cavanaugh, Lohan, Spears, Boggs Enter Competition
Bavaria - The much-hyped beerfest in a smelly old warehouse basement starts tomorrow in Bavaria, Germany. The competition goes back hundreds of years as part of the annual Octoberfest harvest tradition. Beerfest pits team competitors from around the globe. Events include quarters, beer pong, long pour, and the dreaded Dos Boot.
This year's American contingent includes a strong squad that has been training hard all year. The exploits of youngsters Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton are well documented. Matt Cavanaugh is the fiery old competitor that is looking for one more good run. Lastly, Wade Boggs is the aged stalwart that will anchor and guide the team. The man of the famed 64 beers on a cross-country flight fame is feared amongst opposing teams. However, Matt Cavanaugh has reportedly been rampaging through the nightmares of opposing teams. Hans Freidrich of the Austrian team stated, "Das is bahd nooz tue play da Cav man. He drinkz schteins like Elijah Fields schmokes bluntz."
Fellow team member Spears commented. "[hiccup]...that Matth dood...[hiccup]...has got me beat. He never stawps training...EVER...hehe...wanna screw?" Spears then vomitted and had sex with 3 guys at once.
Coach Cavanaugh provided his insights. "It's like December 1975 all over again. I'm training hard every day, doing everything I can to ensure victory. I drink beer, liquor, Ny-quil, anything I can find that has any alcohol. My goal is to dominate Dos Boot."